I was told of the contents of one of the posts on a friend’s blog today…apparently it had caused of a bit of a steer with someone that is/was dear (whether the post was me related or not) apparently i’m from Mars because I am able to get over things quickly…except…it struck a chord, i can’t even lie. Why did it strike a chord? a couple of reasons…cause i feel that was a bit judgmental, which is basically the story of my life to be totally honest but that’s a story for another post, i suppose.
Where was i? yes, judgmental because, i’m thinking because you do not see someone brood, doesn’t mean there is no brooding, because one does not see tears doesn’t mean there aren’t any…to say something like that would mean that because you see your friend forever smiling and jolly, they have no problems…that in itself, is folly.
Again because, i dont even get over stuff quickly, i just accept and move on. i brooded over one person for the greater part of three years, i brooded over another for about seven to eight months (i suppose a part of me’s still brooding)…. I am not saying this because i want to feel like or to be made to seem like i do have a heart, esp. in situations where i do not have one but i’ve been made, too many times, in my short life, to seem like i am something i am not (good or bad). Don’t get me wrong, i have learned not to care so much, or not show my care, if people see me as whatever they see me…but i want, just for once, to be seen as who i am (good or bad)…but then again, i am contradicting myself…for i will be the first person to tell anyone 2 things, (i) you will never see the pain on my face for i shall hide it (ii) reading me is a nigh impossible task, so i should be able to deal with the consequences of not being readable or/and my pain being invisible to the less than discerning.
again, people deal with pain/hurt in different ways, for instance, I, other than twice this year for reasons which i shall probably end up blogging about, haven’t shed a tear in 4years, no, make that five years (July 13th 2008) and i’ve had severe heart shatters in that period, close friends have left me and gone to Heaven in that period, close friends (who are well and are still able to sit right next to me) have left me in that period, pride i guess…but while the next man may cry and brood over it…i just work, i throw everything into my work, i lock myself away and i just work…which is probably why the biggest leaps i have made in my career came right after heavy heart break, of whatever sort.